it's a matter of perspective

i'm sure you remember my post from a few days ago questioning everything from my ability to my desire to my sanity. here's an update:

i had a show last nite. for those of you that could make it, thanks. for those of you that couldn't, there will be more. yes, for sure, there will be more. why? last nite's show was great. i could've played better, sure. i could've sang better, absolutely. but what i did last nite that i haven't done in a while is lock in. i connected. with the audience, with the songs, with myself.

it's something that, for reasons i wish i could figure out, i haven't felt in a while. maybe it's from putting too much pressure on myself to be the next costello/springsteen/strummer. maybe it's from exhausting myself trying to do everything, all the time. maybe i've just had a couple of off nites. who knows?

i don't think that i'm out of the woods entirely. i'm still not writing or hearing new music in my head (don't ask.), so i still have the feeling of being stagnant, but i'm seeing new images and starting to picture different scenes that i think might spark my lyric writing. i just need to remember to not be afraid of writing a bad song.

the other thing is that, after the last couple of shows, i thought that i started doubting myself and my ability to perform and connect with people. seriously doubted. now, for reasons i'll explain in just a second, i'm not doubting myself. not as much anyway. there are still things i can improve on - i could project a little more confidence and excitement in my between song banter, i could probably make fun of myself a little less, but that's my personality and i'm pretty okay with that.

here's the big story from last nite. i'm feeling good, feeling loose, not smoking a cigarette every 8 minutes to keep my mind off of the past 6 weeks, ready to rock. then, HE walks in. i won't tell you who he is, but he's a music industry guy who has been responsible for the "discovery" of a couple of my friends as well as some other people that you definitely know of. we're only casual acquaintances (of the "hey! how are you? good. see you later." variety). but i've always felt like he didn't like my music and my performance. YIKES. i started thinking about it, but very quickly thought to myself, "fuck this. he's not here to see me. if he doesn't like it, shit on him."

turns out he liked it. alot. and he told me so in no uncertain terms. told me that i almost had a guest on stage because he felt like he should be singing along with me. i don't know who he was there to see, but he saw me. and he liked me and gave me a flippin' boat load of encouragement. in case you can't tell, i'm still kinda high off of it. does it mean he's gonna work with me? i don't know. but he knows about me. and he likes what i'm doing. for now, that's enough.

it's also enough of this post. i'd love to tell you that i'm back to regular posting, but who am i kidding? i'm going climbing tonite after work to blow off some steam. i think that i'm getting ready to start telling you guys about how much i'm enjoying that.

peace in the grease.